disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Now she was not ready for 3rd. What kind of man has three wives and no job? After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. She had a male child during the interview. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. 3. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. It was an arranged marriage. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Family Process. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? I never expected to be a second wife. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. I will make another video using your. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. All women were Muslims. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. But after few months it was disclosed. His family says it was unaware of any "second. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. The co-wives were approached from their homes. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. Every possibility seems available to them. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. She has been married for 40 years. Being A Second Wife: The 9 Challenges You Should Be Prepared For Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." 2005; 44(1): 81-98. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. She had only one daughter. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Lateron, both married. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. The Benefits of Being the Second Wife - Brides Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Her ex-husband died. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Eleven women participated in the study. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Gabe and I won't have that. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. 2010;57(1): 121-127. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. However, several limitations exist. We speak to the wives of a polygamist who say their domestic - Drum What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam? As - Quora In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. The Journal of Social Psychology. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. Countries Where Polygamy Is Legal 2023 - worldpopulationreview.com Ibn Qudamah writes: Tandler N, Petersen LE. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Dealing with your partner's baggage. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. New Kenya law legalizes polygamy; women's group applauds | CNN Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Minor clashes are part of life to her. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. What Term Describes Your Relationship: Polygyny, Polyamory, Monandry? This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". No British Muslim man has the 'right' to a second (or even third) wife She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Will You Be Denied U.S. Citizenship Based on Polygamy, Bigamy - Nolo Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. His first marriage counted. 5. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. International Journal of Mental Health. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Polyandry | marriage | Britannica Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. The female sharia law judge who decides if men can take a second wife Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy.

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